1) People who are obsessed with the Royal Wedding, and
2) People who think the Royal Wedding is stupid and delight in mocking those who are obsessed.
But I fit into a third category... I don't get it, but I don't want to make fun of the people who are into it. I kinda feel like I'm missing out on something. I just don't understand weddings at all. It's not caused by some obnoxious pessimism about marriage in general -- I have no plans or desire to get married, but I'm plenty happy for those who do, and I am a gay marriage activist (domestic partnerships are bullshit, but that's a post for another day). But I have never, in my whole life, fantasized about getting married.
A couple weeks ago, my roommate was talking about how she would like to be proposed to someday. That really blew my mind because I never realized anyone thought about that stuff. A couple years ago, someone asked me if my dad or my step-dad would walk me down the aisle, and I burst out laughing. What kind of a question is that?! I've never spent one millisecond thinking about that.
Now the whole world seems to care about the Royal Wedding and I'm just confused. Gabriela said as a 20-something woman, she feels genetically programmed to be wedding-obsessed. So WTF is up with my DNA, hmm?
I've had to make several discoveries through my life, and each time I was totally shocked.
1) Women who are getting married really care about their weddings.
They buy magazines and think about seating arrangements and flowers and matching shoes and they blog about it until I stop reading their blogs. This is weird to me. Why do people want to spend so much money on one day? Why do those things matter? Don't bother trying to explain it to me, either. Because I really don't care.
2) Women who are not getting married anytime soon, even those who are WAY too young, STILL care about their future hypothetical weddings.
They think about what kind of ceremony they want and what dress they will wear and sometimes plan every detail, with a groom to be inserted last. Like a falafel mix you just need to add water to. I definitely don't understand this.
But now, with all the Royal Wedding hoopla, I have made another realization...
3) Women care about the weddings of people they don't even know.
They care about the bouquets they're holding and what everyone's wearing and their vows and they even CRY.
I am not writing this blog post to make fun of women (and whoever else) who care about weddings, Royal or otherwise. It's just that I'm realizing more and more that my brain must be fundamentally different from almost every other woman on Earth, and in a way, I feel like I must be missing out on something. But it's like missing out on what it's like to have a penis -- I'm never gonna have one, so even if it's really fun, it's not worth dwelling on. I'm never going to be six feet tall, be an NFL player, have huge boobs, or give a shit about weddings.