Friday, April 29, 2011

I Don't Understand Wedding Fever

It seems that the Western world can be split into two groups:
1) People who are obsessed with the Royal Wedding, and
2) People who think the Royal Wedding is stupid and delight in mocking those who are obsessed.

But I fit into a third category... I don't get it, but I don't want to make fun of the people who are into it. I kinda feel like I'm missing out on something. I just don't understand weddings at all. It's not caused by some obnoxious pessimism about marriage in general -- I have no plans or desire to get married, but I'm plenty happy for those who do, and I am a gay marriage activist (domestic partnerships are bullshit, but that's a post for another day). But I have never, in my whole life, fantasized about getting married.

A couple weeks ago, my roommate was talking about how she would like to be proposed to someday. That really blew my mind because I never realized anyone thought about that stuff. A couple years ago, someone asked me if my dad or my step-dad would walk me down the aisle, and I burst out laughing. What kind of a question is that?! I've never spent one millisecond thinking about that.

Now the whole world seems to care about the Royal Wedding and I'm just confused. Gabriela said as a 20-something woman, she feels genetically programmed to be wedding-obsessed. So WTF is up with my DNA, hmm?

I've had to make several discoveries through my life, and each time I was totally shocked.

1) Women who are getting married really care about their weddings.
They buy magazines and think about seating arrangements and flowers and matching shoes and they blog about it until I stop reading their blogs. This is weird to me. Why do people want to spend so much money on one day? Why do those things matter? Don't bother trying to explain it to me, either. Because I really don't care.

2) Women who are not getting married anytime soon, even those who are WAY too young, STILL care about their future hypothetical weddings.
They think about what kind of ceremony they want and what dress they will wear and sometimes plan every detail, with a groom to be inserted last. Like a falafel mix you just need to add water to. I definitely don't understand this.

But now, with all the Royal Wedding hoopla, I have made another realization...

3) Women care about the weddings of people they don't even know.
They care about the bouquets they're holding and what everyone's wearing and their vows and they even CRY.

I am not writing this blog post to make fun of women (and whoever else) who care about weddings, Royal or otherwise. It's just that I'm realizing more and more that my brain must be fundamentally different from almost every other woman on Earth, and in a way, I feel like I must be missing out on something. But it's like missing out on what it's like to have a penis -- I'm never gonna have one, so even if it's really fun, it's not worth dwelling on. I'm never going to be six feet tall, be an NFL player, have huge boobs, or give a shit about weddings.


  1. Erika, picture me eating my cereal and reading your great post and spewing almond milk all over my computer because I can't stop laughing!! Hahahaha. I love that you don't get weddings, because you know, I don't either and it's so interesting that people care so much about this one day AND this one day for other people!!

    So can I ask you to explain to me some other things I don't get that you DO get?

    Jewelry, makeup, hair, and SHOES! Why do women obsess over shoes?? It's like men and cars. Cars are for transportation. You find one that's dependable, affordable, gets good gas mileage, and then you buy it. Why why keep talking about it and all the cars you didn't buy??

    So now back to shoes...also for transportation. You pick out some shoes that fit your feet, feel comfortable, are affordable, won't give you blisters, and go with most of your clothes...and you buy them. Why do women buy shoes that hurt their feet, go with only one outfit, cost outrageous amounts of money, and then talk talk talk about them?? Explain this to me!!

    So I talk about biking and you don't get it; you talk about fashion and I don't get it. And 95% of women talk about their and other people's weddings and we don't get it. People are fun, so interesting to think about, so unique and yet so predictable.

    Fun fun fun.

    Thanks for giving me a great laugh this morning and for getting me going. I loved this post. :)

  2. Man, I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth! The wedding hoopla is so strange---and such a frivolous waste of money (and time) (and attention span)...

    I didn't even glance at the royal wedding--and I am definitely in the third category.

    I have never once thought about weddings (unless I've had to be at one, and then I look around and wonder why I'm watching two people make this private vow to each other with hundreds of other people watching). Joe and I aren't married...and people ask why not all the time. We've already said we're spending "forever" together...and maybe we will eventually get married, but it won't change anything about "us." If we will be in private...probably in jeans or on a beach somewhere!

    Thanks for the fun and true post :)

  3. Awesome comments. I totally agree -- it's frivolous and strange. Glad to see there are other girls out there who just don't get weddings!